You enter the door seemingly carved into the trees spine…

Hello?

Is anyone…? Um. Oh?

Is… is that? Oh, greetings! I wasn’t sure if you were actually here or not. Gosh, look how small you are, indeed. Oh no no! J don’t mean like that, of course… I mean in comparison to, well, everything! Just look around you; look outside; look up into the sky. Can’t you see? Don’t you get it? It’s not important anyway, noone ever really gets it. 

So tell me! How are you? We hardly speak nor see eachother anymore, granted that’s my fault… Well go on, tell me how you’ve been feeling recen- uh. That’s… You’re thinking of a problem aren’t you. You know, I really couldn’t give a toss. Not in a mean way, mind, just… You’re so bloody small! I hope to God you get that someday since its not like this ‘being this tiny thing in such a large universe’ concept is an incredibly commonly used anecdote or anything. I’m not surprised you don’t really care about it. Noone ever does at first. Well, the first few times you start having visions of your perfect future all because you feel as though your mind has been split open and filled with knowledge, but that never lasts more than an hour. You’ve just got to be feisty about it. Just stick your fingers up and yell “Fuck you problems!” 

Well, actually you probably shouldnt. There’s most likely people within earshot. And don’t be that smartass who is all “but people being within earshot is a problem which means I should do it. Muewww mueeewwww mueeeeeewwwwwwww”. You know what problems I’m talking about you tit. You’re hardlylistening to me because you wish you had a lollipop. Though, a lolly would be pretty dapper right around now. Would a lolly taste better if it had ketchup on it? Oh no no no why would I think of that, Jesus’s nipple tassels, that’s horrible! Now that’s a problem I can happily say ‘fuck off’ to. 

So anyway, what brings you here?

Oh. I’m all out of heroine, but I can throw in a free taster session of some cocaine if you buy this tin of cannabis.

2732

Try not to question the current title format I’ve been using. 

As of recent, I have attempted to be more active on twitter since this medium of communication has been more helpful to me as of recent since writing a blog over something stupidly small that I could fit into a tweet makes me feel more depressed if anything, in the aense that it is like I am wasting your time. 

Life right now is at possibly one of its lowest points for a magnitude of random irrational reasons. I’d rather not go over the obvious like college and depression in general, though some new things have arisen. My mother got scammed, her bank account temporarily frozen, meaning that she’s had to borrow my money on occasion. I myself have no money, or very little of it. Probably because I bought someone an easter egg that’s on my twitter I believe if you were somewhat curious, along with just buying needless crap like that I guess. So, when I can’t give my mother money because I’ve wasted it all, it’s all just ugh. I can’t even sleep properly since nightmares/nightterrors exist. Part of the reason I’m writing this is actually because I’m too scared to sleep. I’d explain the dream but it’s personal and I wouldn’t tell anyone, so sorry. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had more than five hours sleep. Loads of people hate me once more, so thats always entertaining. I don’t even want the holidays to come because I have an uncanny ability to guess when I’m going to be most depressed, and I’ve not gotten it wrong yet. This Friday is going to be the worst, Saturday probably coming close. When I say the worst, I really mean the worst and im genuinely scared of certain days in the future because of this new found ability of being able to predict my emotions based on upcoming events. Graphics is in on Friday too, so everything is going to be amplified to be worse, along with my maths test and computing test this week. Already been set 20+ hours of homework for Easter,  and that’s just maths and I know I’m going to be set more for maths because why the hell would life be made easy. I miss Amy. I miss nina. Just ugh

I promised someone that I would go to bed soon so I’ll just leave. This was intended to be a happy post but I’ve already ruined that possibility. I wouldn’t bother reading this should probably be the title if it wasn’t so anti-clickbait to where it becomes clickbait. I hope you’re good, reader. If you’re not then hugs. Hugs anyway for reading this. 

Thanks for reading

 : : Ruby  ❤ : : 

I Watched a Movie…

Probably a weird way to start this off but hey ho, it loops back around to the title eventually.

When my parents split up, though they are back together now, I used to spend every other weekend with my father. For most, this was probably a negative thing as there is typically one side of the family which you tend to lean towards more than the other, and after a while maybe you wish not to do this routine anymore, but nonetheless I enjoyed it, always looked forward to it and never regretted it. No, I’m not just saying that because my parents are together now… as they are never going to read this. Probably.

When I went to my fathers for the weekend, we used to go to a club lots, and basically drink until we were asked to leave. So, as a result of this, every night this happened, I would have to wander with my father back to our house, though it was always weirdly nice. Partly because he used to tell me their secrets and such, but let’s ignore that. It was during those times that I learnt to appreciate how things looked at night, how we were able to communicate thoughts through a simple glance, I learnt the phonetic alphabet, how to not get caught peeing in a bush… There was this one time, though. I believe we were discussing movies in general, though he said to me to not watch a certain movie. That it was a movie that really got to him every time and made them emotionally swell up. He told me never to watch it until, quite bluntly, he had died. I assume he doesn’t remember the conversation at all, or most of our conversations for that matter. Me being the immature person I was at the time decided to watch the movie without them.

It’s a good movie.

So I decided for some reason to watch the movie again today, as I couldn’t entirely remember it from that one time that I watched it. I make it sound like I’m going against his wishes, but believe me when I say he was drunk.

So, the movie is called Seven Pounds. You probably haven’t heard of it, it’s one of Will Smith’s less known titles, especially when people constantly confuse it with The Pursuit of Happyness. If you’re into sad stuff, for some weird reason, then go nuts and watch it.

 

: : Huge Spoiler Warning : :

The movie itself is called ‘Seven Pounds’ as a reference to ‘The Merchant of Venice’, by Shakespeare, in which someone must pay a pound of flesh when in debt. So, because of this, it shows that Will Smith’s character is in debt to seven people. Why seven? Well, that’s because the main character is the cause of a life-altering event, which cost seven people their lives, and so the movie is focused around the character helping seven people to make up for this (though this isn’t found out until the end of the movie). In order to help these seven new people, he dabbles in some illegal affairs, such as impersonation etc. The way in which he finally helps these people though is real ball kicker. The movie starts with Will’s character (Tim, though impersonated under the name of ‘Ben’) literally calling for an ambulance, for the suicide they are about to commit. It is then shown throughout the story of the movie what led him to this. The reason is because each of the seven people all needed something physical replaced, such as Tim’s brother’s lung, or Emily Posa’s heart. He commits suicide so that they can each get these pieces from him, and in return he can help pay his debt to the seven people he unintentionally killed in a car accident.

 

I’m not sure why my dad felt so connected with it, and to be honest it kind of worries me sometimes. I don’t like the movie, not because it’s poorly made, or it’s a bad story, I mean it as in it makes me incredibly sad, but I feel bad to say that I’m weirdly connected to it now.

 

Thanks for reading

: : Ruby ❤ : :

A Ringless Saturn

I stared at the man as he scratched away at his finger, psychotically rubbing against every part of their skin along it. In fact, I noticed every single small detail due to the amount of attention I was providing to his vicinity. Every time their hair was brushed by their breath. Every time the front of their foot collided with the floor as they furiously tapped against it. Every tear that rolled out of their eye and hit against their knee, staining their fading jeans.

After hours of conversation, we hugged. It wasn’t his fault after all. Straight away, with a burst of energy, I leapt to my drawers and started clambering through them, analysing every section of its contents. It took a while, but I found it, and I brought it to the man.

I handed him over a ring, to replace the one he had lost, telling him it was a resemblance of our friendship. An attempt to stop them from rubbing the place on their finger from where their last one was. He smiled

Arctic Hearts

The young boy, of about sixteen, was wearing a white graphic shirt, with a panda on the front, though it had started to fade and crack from their overuse and fondness of this shirt. It was crushed into their torn black jeans only at the front, and it loosely hung from the back, forced against their back due to the grey deformed Mi backpack being strung onto their back also. The gel in the boy’s blackened dense hair forced the front to ramp upwards, and left the rest of it to be untreated.

He walked up the buzzing high street, and confronted their friend. She cheekily waved at him, then started to rush from the wall they were leaning on and went to hug him. The girl’s arms wrapped around the entirety of the boy’s torso and the bag, though the boy’s arms were positioned perfectly outwards from his body, and a gaping smile on his face. The girl didn’t want to question this about the boy, though upon backing up she had no choice to. The boy was frozen in position, out of place from the rushing crowds roaring around them both. His eyes were closed, as though caught when blinking, and their arms continued to seem inviting to the girl. The boy stayed like this for years, frozen in this spot and this position.

The boy stayed like this for years, frozen in this spot and this position. After it was realised that nothing could be done to help the boy, he was more turned into an exhibition piece on that street. It was immoral to move the boy, as he had once done this before, and he eventually broke out of his trance. Everyone hoped that he would someday be free from it again. The girl, for the first few months, went to visit the boy every chance they could. They always brought two bottles of Pepsi Max with them, just in case he came to. He never did… Not for a while.

When he came to, the story spread itself across every page of every newspaper. After being lovingly reunited with his family, the boy went to see the girl they were originally planning to meet. It took a lot of his strength to knock on her door. It took even more strength to walk away once he realised that she had moved on. It had been over a decade after all…

Later that year, the man walked up the same high street, though this time he was wearing a black shirt, neatly tucked in behind a solid belt, holding up their light yet faded blue jeans. Their wallet was noticeably forced into their back pocket, causing an awkward indent, along with a modern watch on their left arm. A woman soon after walked up to him, and they greeted and laughed with one another. Following the trends of his boyish charm, the man held out a small batch of flowers for the woman to take. When she started to reach for them, the man started to become worried, as anyone would on showing their first act of love towards someone, and continued to hold them out steadily. The woman took them with both hands, thrusting them towards her nose and letting the fumes engulf her mind with joy. The man continued to hold out his hands…

It didn’t get as much attention this time. Even the previous time, people had little care for him, besides for the groups of people online forming conspiracies. Besides the rarity of finding a story online with them being symbolic for love, everyone started to mock him. Swarms of photoshop images spreading across the internet of the man holding different items. No matter how hard he tried, he could not love without this happening to him. He just froze for years once more…

When he came to, his family reunited with him again, even though they saw him every week where he was being kept in a hospital, having to stand in the position they originally froze in. It was a sad sight, though his family always reuniting with him with the same enthusiasm as the last times.

Though the world wanted the gentleman to give up chasing love, he couldn’t give up. He felt selfish, wanting to try again in case something changed. Twice more it happened, and two more women slipped through his grasp. The time he was frozen for seemed random, some lasting over a decade, others lasting just a couple, though each tortured him the same.

The gentleman, he had recently reached 60. This time was going to be his last try, and then he would give up with love for the rest of his days. He had lost contact with his family, given that they would always try and persuade him to stop trying. He couldn’t stop, and a small part of him knew that this wasn’t actually going to be his last try should it not work.

Once again, he strolled up the high street wearing a tattered and torn brown waistcoat, a chain in his pocket dangling loosely in front of him due to the angle in which his back declined. He was the most cautious he had ever been when she showed up. The lady was of a similar age to the man, though unlike the others did not recognise him from the papers. She allowed the man to put his arm around her, in order to take her jacket off. He never even managed to fully take her jacket off…

Not for seven years anyway, where they both unfroze together. They stood next to each other, both looking at one another in amazement. For the first time, he smiled after escaping the trance. The man replaced the jacket on her shoulders once more, and they examined the hospital room in which they were both standing together in.

Outside of the hospital, they continued to walk with one another until they eventually reached the restaurant in which they had originally booked. He was able to take her coat off, pull out her chair, and live the remainder of his life happily with her. He had beaten life’s game.