Every footstep made on the shimmering floors of the ship sent countless echoes to cascade down my ears, every new step digging deeper into my mind and carving the truth upon it.
I was alone.
Staring out through the front of the ship into the void of space, it made me realise that I chose to be alone. I didn’t have to fly out here, there isn’t even technically a here in which I am currently situated in. My ship is surrounded by nothing, and that nothing is applying so much pressure to the ship’s exterior constantly. Maybe it will cave in some day; that would probably be fun.
You see, I wasn’t always alone. People used to come with me all the time on these stupid adventures. They never ended up as strangers to me. Whenever I took them home they became a part of me from the experience, and I treasured every moment. It’s just a shame that outliers exist. All it takes is one little outlier to completely ruin your routine, to make the skew of the data blast out of proportion. It’s always hard to ignore it; sometimes you can’t just remove that single piece of data from all of the others and pretend it doesn’t exist. It’s hard to pretend that someone you loved doesn’t exist.
As if routine, a noise belted up from beneath the floorboards from where I tapped my feet and scraped them across. The two of them were still down there. Along all of my travels, they’re usually encountered by me. They are a part of me after all; it’s hard to escape them. I have two of my emotions held captive downstairs. Why they exist is a long story which I do not wish to delve into, but just know that a small part of me is happy I can see them visually. What I have downstairs are literal beings which are my emotions. Each of them looks different, walks different, talks different… Also, naturally, each and every one of them wants to kill me. Among the lower decks right now are Guilt and Boredom. Sure, I could kill them… Why on Earth would I keep something that’s trying to kill me alive and on my ship? Well because we’re not on Earth. I don’t want to. Killing those emotions also strips my soul of them. If I someday decide to kill Boredom, then I will never be bored again. I shouldn’t have that kind of control over my emotions, so I keep them alive. Just trapped, so that they can’t someday kill me. I’m lucky I haven’t met depression yet, to be honest. I might have to break my rule on that one. They don’t choose to be my emotions, I presume. I believe I shouldn’t kill them just because I like to be in control of my emotions. I should only kill them because they try to kill me, that’s the bit I need to focus on. It’s a struggle sometimes, especially with Guilt. That one gets me lots. I just go down into their section and watch them. Whenever I’m feeling an emotion, they tend to act in weird ways. The sort of “not reaching through the bars and trying to rip my insides out” kind of way. As for boredom, I’m kind of used to it. You live by yourself on a spaceship for so long; you learn how to deal with being bored. Boredom is possibly one of man’s main sources of motivation in which to do something because there is nothing better to do. If I decided to kill my boredom, literally nothing would ever get done. I’d probably just sleep all day. Granted, that sounds nice, but I’d rather not sleep and crash into an exploding star.
I’m never quite sure as to how they manage to latch onto the sides of the ships and dissolve their way inside, but they always manage it. Just last night, another emotion tried to break in. I saw they were clambering against the window to the side of the ship, so I stood behind the reinforced glass and watched as they walked in the door as I slowly opened it for them. It was Love. They instantly fell to the ground at the window, looking up at me, as if in pain. This was the emotion I was most excited to meet, seeing what they looked like. Seeing as it was immobile at the door, which I had closed to make the room air tight again, I went down to the lower section and made sure that there was a cell already prepared for them to stay in. I then came back up, stood in the same room as them, watching as they sprawled themselves across the floor, rolling around like a maniac. I shot them there and then.