You enter the door seemingly carved into the trees spine…


Is anyone…? Um. Oh?

Is… is that? Oh, greetings! I wasn’t sure if you were actually here or not. Gosh, look how small you are, indeed. Oh no no! J don’t mean like that, of course… I mean in comparison to, well, everything! Just look around you; look outside; look up into the sky. Can’t you see? Don’t you get it? It’s not important anyway, noone ever really gets it. 

So tell me! How are you? We hardly speak nor see eachother anymore, granted that’s my fault… Well go on, tell me how you’ve been feeling recen- uh. That’s… You’re thinking of a problem aren’t you. You know, I really couldn’t give a toss. Not in a mean way, mind, just… You’re so bloody small! I hope to God you get that someday since its not like this ‘being this tiny thing in such a large universe’ concept is an incredibly commonly used anecdote or anything. I’m not surprised you don’t really care about it. Noone ever does at first. Well, the first few times you start having visions of your perfect future all because you feel as though your mind has been split open and filled with knowledge, but that never lasts more than an hour. You’ve just got to be feisty about it. Just stick your fingers up and yell “Fuck you problems!” 

Well, actually you probably shouldnt. There’s most likely people within earshot. And don’t be that smartass who is all “but people being within earshot is a problem which means I should do it. Muewww mueeewwww mueeeeeewwwwwwww”. You know what problems I’m talking about you tit. You’re hardlylistening to me because you wish you had a lollipop. Though, a lolly would be pretty dapper right around now. Would a lolly taste better if it had ketchup on it? Oh no no no why would I think of that, Jesus’s nipple tassels, that’s horrible! Now that’s a problem I can happily say ‘fuck off’ to. 

So anyway, what brings you here?

Oh. I’m all out of heroine, but I can throw in a free taster session of some cocaine if you buy this tin of cannabis.


“When I first joined this company and I had two screens, people were like aww ooh someone’s fancy, and then now everyone has two screens.  So now I have six. So fuck you all. ”

Probably isn’t one of their most known quotes, but it still describes them pretty well. It was said by Monty Oum, probably most well known for RWBY, the anime show by Rooster Teeth. In short, though it never should be, he was an inspiration, and it was a shame that he passed away a few years ago.

Monty was always known for his efficiency whilst working at the company, as pointed out in the quote. He was one of the first few people to have multiple monitors within the company and they inspired the people around them to also be efficient. It’s commented upon that he was known for always having so many things going on at once, where he would be watching something on one monitor and creating something on the other. Even then, he was bound to have been working on seven different projects all at once.

It wasn’t only the multiple monitors that people decided to copy him on, as this was probably going to happen anyway since the uprising of technology. One of his quirks was at the microwave. He discovered that typing in 1:00 required 3 button presses, 1 0 and 0. Because of this, they started to do 0:60, as this was just 6 and 0 and gave the same effect. You’d think that it would stop there, but they went further. They did 0:55, so that it was the same button being pressed, thus raising the total efficiency by that fraction of a second.

Image result for monty oum signature

This is their signature. Even when you look at this, efficiency is showed, where the O is being used for both situations where it occurs in their name.

There are loads of tribute videos or writings or whatever out there, it’s worth looking at those if you’re interested. There isn’t really much I could say that would show how cool Monty was. He’s a great inspiration.

Love you Monty.

Thanks for reading

: : Ruby ❤ : :

Ostensibly Preposterous

Around 8 million lightning strikes happened that day.

Around 728,000,000,000,000 heart beats across the globe that day.

Around 21,000,000,000 kisses will be passed that day.

Around two people sat on that bench under their favourite tree, sharing the same pair of earphones that day.

Coincidentally, those two people stayed there for hours in each other’s arms, not realising that the music they were listening to had repeated many a time. Neither of them wanted to leave the others side, so they stayed there for hours, staring out over the still water ahead of them. People who walked past would smile at them, though they enjoyed seeing their love for one another be shown publically, without fear. The people who walked past, they didn’t smile at them for anything else. They didn’t know that the two of them were going to climb Mt Kilimanjaro together to get married, or that they would some day both provide great leaps in cancer research, or that they would at some point create the child who makes the world’s most popular and loved phone. They just knew that they were in love, and that’s all that was needed for the world to smile

Don’t go…


“… and after that, I was back on the road. It was pissing it down with rain, you couldn’t see further than two spaces in front of you from the darkness as it was, so having water splash across your windscreen doesn’t exactly please you. That was when it happened, the car slid off to the side of the road. No-one else knew what was happening. I saw the light, for God’s sake.” I pause, looking at Taylor.

“You… You thought you were going to die?” Taylor replies, their eyes glaring motionless back into mine, allowing for me to clearly see a still reflection of myself.

“Oh, Lord no! The light was from the gas station, we were just running low.”

Badum tish.

“Hold that thought!”

I spun around on my hover boots, looking at Liam who was traipsing behind me on later models of my own pair of boots as we strolled through the busy crowds of New Covent Garden. We were halfway through our conversation as it was, so he clearly wanted me to temporarily hold my thoughts as he pressed pulled the lever to signal the flow of hovercars to stop. Sparks flew up through the pole, until eventually reaching a small balloon-shaped object which levitated and flashed a red light towards the crowd. As for my thought, I pulled out my Psychopacker and pressed it against the side of my forehead, from where a trail of translucent blue liquid started to descend from where the device was pressed against, where I then contained it using a plastic vile. After sealing the area of my forehead, I passed the vile to Liam, which was in fact a physical form of the thought I had had when Liam asked me to hold it, allowing for him to take it from me. When Liam noticed that I was passing him the vile, he turned to me slowly and said “What the hell man! That’s disgusting!”

A Ringless Saturn

I stared at the man as he scratched away at his finger, psychotically rubbing against every part of their skin along it. In fact, I noticed every single small detail due to the amount of attention I was providing to his vicinity. Every time their hair was brushed by their breath. Every time the front of their foot collided with the floor as they furiously tapped against it. Every tear that rolled out of their eye and hit against their knee, staining their fading jeans.

After hours of conversation, we hugged. It wasn’t his fault after all. Straight away, with a burst of energy, I leapt to my drawers and started clambering through them, analysing every section of its contents. It took a while, but I found it, and I brought it to the man.

I handed him over a ring, to replace the one he had lost, telling him it was a resemblance of our friendship. An attempt to stop them from rubbing the place on their finger from where their last one was. He smiled

Arctic Hearts

The young boy, of about sixteen, was wearing a white graphic shirt, with a panda on the front, though it had started to fade and crack from their overuse and fondness of this shirt. It was crushed into their torn black jeans only at the front, and it loosely hung from the back, forced against their back due to the grey deformed Mi backpack being strung onto their back also. The gel in the boy’s blackened dense hair forced the front to ramp upwards, and left the rest of it to be untreated.

He walked up the buzzing high street, and confronted their friend. She cheekily waved at him, then started to rush from the wall they were leaning on and went to hug him. The girl’s arms wrapped around the entirety of the boy’s torso and the bag, though the boy’s arms were positioned perfectly outwards from his body, and a gaping smile on his face. The girl didn’t want to question this about the boy, though upon backing up she had no choice to. The boy was frozen in position, out of place from the rushing crowds roaring around them both. His eyes were closed, as though caught when blinking, and their arms continued to seem inviting to the girl. The boy stayed like this for years, frozen in this spot and this position.

The boy stayed like this for years, frozen in this spot and this position. After it was realised that nothing could be done to help the boy, he was more turned into an exhibition piece on that street. It was immoral to move the boy, as he had once done this before, and he eventually broke out of his trance. Everyone hoped that he would someday be free from it again. The girl, for the first few months, went to visit the boy every chance they could. They always brought two bottles of Pepsi Max with them, just in case he came to. He never did… Not for a while.

When he came to, the story spread itself across every page of every newspaper. After being lovingly reunited with his family, the boy went to see the girl they were originally planning to meet. It took a lot of his strength to knock on her door. It took even more strength to walk away once he realised that she had moved on. It had been over a decade after all…

Later that year, the man walked up the same high street, though this time he was wearing a black shirt, neatly tucked in behind a solid belt, holding up their light yet faded blue jeans. Their wallet was noticeably forced into their back pocket, causing an awkward indent, along with a modern watch on their left arm. A woman soon after walked up to him, and they greeted and laughed with one another. Following the trends of his boyish charm, the man held out a small batch of flowers for the woman to take. When she started to reach for them, the man started to become worried, as anyone would on showing their first act of love towards someone, and continued to hold them out steadily. The woman took them with both hands, thrusting them towards her nose and letting the fumes engulf her mind with joy. The man continued to hold out his hands…

It didn’t get as much attention this time. Even the previous time, people had little care for him, besides for the groups of people online forming conspiracies. Besides the rarity of finding a story online with them being symbolic for love, everyone started to mock him. Swarms of photoshop images spreading across the internet of the man holding different items. No matter how hard he tried, he could not love without this happening to him. He just froze for years once more…

When he came to, his family reunited with him again, even though they saw him every week where he was being kept in a hospital, having to stand in the position they originally froze in. It was a sad sight, though his family always reuniting with him with the same enthusiasm as the last times.

Though the world wanted the gentleman to give up chasing love, he couldn’t give up. He felt selfish, wanting to try again in case something changed. Twice more it happened, and two more women slipped through his grasp. The time he was frozen for seemed random, some lasting over a decade, others lasting just a couple, though each tortured him the same.

The gentleman, he had recently reached 60. This time was going to be his last try, and then he would give up with love for the rest of his days. He had lost contact with his family, given that they would always try and persuade him to stop trying. He couldn’t stop, and a small part of him knew that this wasn’t actually going to be his last try should it not work.

Once again, he strolled up the high street wearing a tattered and torn brown waistcoat, a chain in his pocket dangling loosely in front of him due to the angle in which his back declined. He was the most cautious he had ever been when she showed up. The lady was of a similar age to the man, though unlike the others did not recognise him from the papers. She allowed the man to put his arm around her, in order to take her jacket off. He never even managed to fully take her jacket off…

Not for seven years anyway, where they both unfroze together. They stood next to each other, both looking at one another in amazement. For the first time, he smiled after escaping the trance. The man replaced the jacket on her shoulders once more, and they examined the hospital room in which they were both standing together in.

Outside of the hospital, they continued to walk with one another until they eventually reached the restaurant in which they had originally booked. He was able to take her coat off, pull out her chair, and live the remainder of his life happily with her. He had beaten life’s game.

Just wondering…

Have you ever wanted to place a slinky at the top of an escalator?

It’s the type of thing I wish I could do, but I just know that someone is either going to steal it when they’re going up the escalator, it’s going to get knocked or it’s going to reach the bottom really fast. This is the type of thing that makes me want to go out and buy an escalator.

But how does one go about doing that? It’s not like escalators are a common thing, you never see them as a replacement for stairs in houses. Hell, most airports can’t even afford escalators which go upwards, they just go longways. What a pity!

I’m going to need to buy an escalator assembly kit off of Amazon, that sounds like a good idea! Or, better yet, I could make one out of Lego! That’d be amazing. I wonder how many pieces that would take, and the price of this given that each lego piece is approximately worth 10p… You know what? I don’t care how much it costs.

Now I just need somewhere to put it. It can’t replace my own stairs in my house, if it’s made out of Lego then there is no way it can support the weight of a person. It can’t replace anything, it would need its own space.

So I’d have to buy a small plot of land in Scotland somewhere. Doesn’t sound too hard, right? Better yet, I would be known as Lord Ruby. That sounds pretty cool if you ask me, and I’m the type of guy who twiddles their fake moustache and adjusts their fake monocle constantly.

Then I’d need to transport everything out there. There’s no way in which I could persuade my parents to drive me all the way to Scotland just to build some Lego for my slinky… I’d probably catch a train given my fear of losing luggage on planes. Even then, I’d need lots of seats in order to have somewhere to put all my boxes of Lego bricks.

After that, I would probably need some people to help me build it. First we would have to design it of course, and then building it would be the fun part. To design it, I would need to become popular enough so that enough people support this idea of mine. How do I become famous?

So I just googled “how to become famous”… Okay, I lied. I clicked on how to become an actress” instead. Don’t judge me, my attention span is crippling me.

You know, then there’s the money that I would need to somehow gain in order to fund all of this. As stupid as it sounds, no one is going to fund this idea.

Then I’d need something to put the escalator under, some kind of roof to prevent rain. Some kind of building to prevent it from being broken or stolen…

You know, I just won’t do it. It’s dumb. I just won’t ever push my slinky down some stairs again.

Just thought it’d be cool if it could never run out of stairs, to be honest.


Axiomatic Vagabond

Every footstep made on the shimmering floors of the ship sent countless echoes to cascade down my ears, every new step digging deeper into my mind and carving the truth upon it.

I was alone.

Staring out through the front of the ship into the void of space, it made me realise that I chose to be alone. I didn’t have to fly out here, there isn’t even technically a here in which I am currently situated in. My ship is surrounded by nothing, and that nothing is applying so much pressure to the ship’s exterior constantly. Maybe it will cave in some day; that would probably be fun.

You see, I wasn’t always alone. People used to come with me all the time on these stupid adventures. They never ended up as strangers to me. Whenever I took them home they became a part of me from the experience, and I treasured every moment. It’s just a shame that outliers exist. All it takes is one little outlier to completely ruin your routine, to make the skew of the data blast out of proportion. It’s always hard to ignore it; sometimes you can’t just remove that single piece of data from all of the others and pretend it doesn’t exist. It’s hard to pretend that someone you loved doesn’t exist.

As if routine, a noise belted up from beneath the floorboards from where I tapped my feet and scraped them across. The two of them were still down there. Along all of my travels, they’re usually encountered by me. They are a part of me after all; it’s hard to escape them. I have two of my emotions held captive downstairs. Why they exist is a long story which I do not wish to delve into, but just know that a small part of me is happy I can see them visually. What I have downstairs are literal beings which are my emotions. Each of them looks different, walks different, talks different… Also, naturally, each and every one of them wants to kill me. Among the lower decks right now are Guilt and Boredom. Sure, I could kill them… Why on Earth would I keep something that’s trying to kill me alive and on my ship? Well because we’re not on Earth. I don’t want to. Killing those emotions also strips my soul of them. If I someday decide to kill Boredom, then I will never be bored again. I shouldn’t have that kind of control over my emotions, so I keep them alive. Just trapped, so that they can’t someday kill me. I’m lucky I haven’t met depression yet, to be honest. I might have to break my rule on that one. They don’t choose to be my emotions, I presume. I believe I shouldn’t kill them just because I like to be in control of my emotions. I should only kill them because they try to kill me, that’s the bit I need to focus on. It’s a struggle sometimes, especially with Guilt. That one gets me lots. I just go down into their section and watch them. Whenever I’m feeling an emotion, they tend to act in weird ways. The sort of “not reaching through the bars and trying to rip my insides out” kind of way. As for boredom, I’m kind of used to it. You live by yourself on a spaceship for so long; you learn how to deal with being bored. Boredom is possibly one of man’s main sources of motivation in which to do something because there is nothing better to do. If I decided to kill my boredom, literally nothing would ever get done. I’d probably just sleep all day. Granted, that sounds nice, but I’d rather not sleep and crash into an exploding star.

I’m never quite sure as to how they manage to latch onto the sides of the ships and dissolve their way inside, but they always manage it. Just last night, another emotion tried to break in. I saw they were clambering against the window to the side of the ship, so I stood behind the reinforced glass and watched as they walked in the door as I slowly opened it for them. It was Love. They instantly fell to the ground at the window, looking up at me, as if in pain. This was the emotion I was most excited to meet, seeing what they looked like. Seeing as it was immobile at the door, which I had closed to make the room air tight again, I went down to the lower section and made sure that there was a cell already prepared for them to stay in. I then came back up, stood in the same room as them, watching as they sprawled themselves across the floor, rolling around like a maniac. I shot them there and then.